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Mr Dakari’s Nightmare

Written by: 13 May 2016 No Comment

A local DJ who continuously tagged people in links to his mixes on Facebook has been found savagely beaten to death.

Robert Daktari, a.k.a. Bob Daktari, was found by a member of the public in a ditch approximately five miles north of his home town Glen Eden, Aotearoa.

According to the Auckland Police, Mr. Daktari had been beaten to death with a blunt object and was found completely naked with a number of names and the words “how do you like it?” etched into his skin.

“It was a really grizzly scene, one of the worst I’ve seen in my time on the force and I’ve been working homicide for almost twenty five years now,” claimed Detective Miles Bradshaw earlier today. “The poor bastard came to a pretty grim end. I can’t say I feel sorry for him though, I hate it when people tag me in posts that have nothing to do with me on Facebook.”

Officers have confirmed that Mr Daktari’s death is being treated as suspicious and they are following a definite line of enquiry.

“Well, we have quite a number of suspects in this case,” confirmed Detective Bradshaw. “All you have to do is look at his Facebook posts, on the last one there were seventy people who claimed they would kill, murder or annihilate him if he didn’t stop tagging them on his mixes. At the moment we’re treating everyone as suspicious and not ruling out the option of multiple perpetrators.”

Stink-Finger also spoke to Scooter Lelo, a Facebook friend of Mr Daktari, “For the record I didn’t kill the cunt. Although I will admit, I did think about. He was always tagging me in links to his mixes. I hardly even knew the lad, he was a casual clubbing acquaintance at best so I was really surprised when he started to do it. I was constantly getting notification to do with his mixes, it was really annoying.”

“No one deserves what Bob got, but the prick had it coming. He should have known better than to be doing that shit. His mixes weren’t even that good, I’m convinced he was using sync.”

According to Police reports, Mr Daktari’s murder is the fifteenth “tagging related” homicide this year.


Original article I’ve mangled for this post here

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